Comparing

Do You Believe in Magic?

                Toddlers can be handfuls sometimes. At times it seems they are in two places at once, and into trouble in a third place. Many parents have horror stories of their child leaping into their pet nets, or cutting their own hair. Maintaining control with toddlers is difficult because they are so independent, yet they cannot communicate adequately and lack problem solving skills. This can lead to loss of self-control in both the toddler and the parent involved. The key to a great relationship with your toddler is love, understanding, and quick thinking.

                Thirty days ago, my son was the child I swore he’d never be. My son had become the naughty child, always demanding everyone’s attention, getting into everything and always throwing a tantrum. He hit, he bit, he screamed, he threw himself; he even knocked my father in-laws glasses right off of his face several times. Soon enough, even our closest friends and family members became distant. Realization set in really quickly and I knew something needed to be done to mend the situation. 

                As a parent, I constantly felt stressed out. My whole world revolved around my son, and I felt helpless when it came to correcting his actions. The word “No,” became one of the most used words in our household and it was very apparent to those who spent any length of time around my son. It wasn’t long before he caught on to the meaning of the word “No” and he quickly began using it as well. It got to the point where I could hardly stand for my fiancé to leave for work and I was dying for relief by the time he returned each night.

                Within thirty days, everything has made a dramatic change. I was able to learn some new techniques to calm my son and I also decreased the amount of times I was saying “No” daily. Stress melted offof me as I began slowing down and re-discovering the everyday magic in the small things everyone takes for granted. Things such as jumping in leaf piles, trying new foods, freedom of choice, and decorating pumpkins. I began seeing life through his eyes and finally began enjoying time with him once again.

                Brendan’s behavior changed drastically. He rarely throws tantrums and is learning to communicate his wants and needs. He now points and attempts to tell me what he wants instead of screaming until I discovered what it was he was wanting. I’ve began allowing Brendan to choose much of his path for the day. He is allowed the freedom of choice in far more activities, food choices, and clothing choices in our day to day life. I believe a lot of self-confidence comes from self-choice and it can be very rewarding. I believe this is setting him up for a lifetime of good decisions, as he is learning the value of decision making at a very young age.

                Brendan has also, once again begun taking naps. He is far too exhausted from choosing his own activities and from spending more quality time with me, that he has no other reason to fight sleep. He falls asleep much faster, takes longer naps and wakes up well-rested. I am able to get more done around the house and have much more spare time to work on my homework and spend time doing things I enjoy. This makes for a far less stressed out end to our day.

                I no longer feel as though my child is the child no one wants to have around. I can see the wonder, and joy in my child’s eyes as he experiences new things every day. He stops and smells the flowers, he enjoys the sound of crinkling leaves, he loves the different textures of new foods on his tongue, but most of all he does all of my help. I feel a new sense of accomplishment, each time he laughs, each time he smiles, each time someone stops to admire the simple joy of my child enjoying his everyday childhood magic.

The Importance of Play

            “The opposite of play is not work, it is depression,” says Brian Sutton-Smith. The importance of play in early childhood is infinite. Play is a fundamental factor of the learning process, therefore increasing the importance of early childhood education. Children learn and discover through the process of play. Without play children would miss out on such compelling aspects of life such as math, science, language, fairness, hospitality, and social interaction. Through play, children discover their limits, capabilities, talents and interests and also build imagination and friendship.

            Dr. Stuart Brown refers to play as a profound biological process. “It has evolved over eons in many animal species to promote survival. It shapes the brain and makes animals smarter and more adaptable. In higher animals, it fosters empathy and makes possible complex social groups. For us, play lies at the core of creativity and innovation (Brown, 5). Brown discusses how we were both made through play and designed for play. He believes that play is our purest form of expression (Brown, 5).

            Dr. Brown has discovered through studies that “the ability to play is critical not only to being happy, but also to sustaining social relationships and being a creative, innovative person”  (Brown, 6). He compares play to oxygen, as it’s not appreciated until it’s denied.  Children play and explore naturally, but as we grow we find it useless in our day to day lives. Dr. Brown states that, “The beneficial effects of getting just a little true play can spread through our lives, actually making us more productive and happier in everything we do”  (Brown, 7).

Taking a critical look at my 30 day quest

Reflecting back on my thirty-day quest, I think it was a great success. I feel as though Brendan and I have a greater understanding of each other, as mother and son. He sleeps better at night and has overall better behavior. He is more patient, throws far less tantrums and plays better with friends, as he is now more willing to share with friends. The word “No” is almost unheard of in our household these days, as we now let him explore his boundaries a little more, only interfering to give him a safer option if he could potentially injure himself. There is now a new sense of comfort in our home.

                Of course, in every success there are things that could be done to make things run more smoothly. My blogs didn’t quite reflect the joy everyone in our household felt as we participated in each new activity we provided for Brendan each day. They didn’t accurately portray how each activity brought a little bit of magic to our day and deeply touched our hearts. It’s as though I couldn’t even begin to find the words to describe it.

                In the end however, I think there are many things that readers can learn from. Just thirty minutes of extra, one on one attention with your child can bring about great change in every member of your household. Take the time to read, play games and really get to know and cherish your child or children. Give them healthy boundaries, and yet let them self-guide at times. It not only takes the stress off of you as a parent, but it builds self-confidence in your child.

Day Thirty

                On day 30, I really wanted to do something special for Brendan. I really thought about who he is becoming as a person and what he really likes and dislikes. I imagined myself as a young girl and what types of things and activities would have truly amazed me, had I had the opportunity to experience them. So, for the last day I set up a couple very special activities and declared it Brendan’s mommy day.

                First, with some careful planning, we headed to Minnesota. I had to decided to take him to The Mall of America for the first time so that he could experience Underwater Adventures. Underwater Adventures is an underground aquarium and it is completely breathtaking. I decided to take him there after realizing how much he adored watching the fish swim in the little tanks at Wal-Mart. I can never erase the memories that took place at Underwater Adventures. He didn’t stop smiling the entire time and I knew he was enjoying himself because he didn’t speak the entire time. The moments that leave you speechless are those that are most magical.

                The next surprise I had lined up for him was his very own miniature fish tank. I had his dad sneak out and have a full tank waiting for him at home. “Wow!” he exclaimed as soon as he laid eyes on them. It has since become his little ritual to tell his fish “Ni-ni” each night before he goes to sleep. When asked to name them he exclaimed, “Dirt!” So we are now the proud owners of ten little fish, all named Dirt.